My Legacy As A Teen Mother
PASTOR JULIA BYAS

As I sit in front of my computer, I am unsure if I want to undertake this task requested by a great lady I admire at the highest.

HERE WE GO!

 At age seventeen, I learned I was pregnant, and it was a scary reality. I felt I was not in a good position at home. Truthfully, I felt alone and by myself—I felt I was not getting enough attention at home, which prevented me from yearning for more. Getting pregnant was never in my plan. I was in a catholic school, enjoyed my education, and was doing well. I was in church and in no way fathomed that I would be a mother. 

My having to bring this news to my mom was terrifying. I was horrendously fearful of telling my mother because of what she would say, do, and think of me. 

I was unsure about how I would explain this to my mom. How would I tell her he was just a friend who saw “me for me.” He thought I was important and made me feel that way. He had time for me, listened to me, and cared and showed he cared. More importantly, how could I say, “I never felt this attention before?”

 Finally, I got the courage to tell her, but she was agitated. I vividly remember when she told me—I would not be able to finish school and get my high school diploma. This was the time when pregnant teenagers could no longer attend school. During our teenage years, we find ourselves stepping into our careers, climbing the social ladder, staying in school, and becoming successful. She was very disappointed in me and made sure to let me know. She thought this ended my opportunity to have a good life or better life than she had.

I was placed in an even more dangerous position while caring for a wonderful human being because I did not fully understand the complete picture of what it meant to be high-risk. I studied and learned the importance of getting prenatal care early to prevent malnutrition. 

There are so many emotional problems associated with teen pregnancy.    Also, teenage girls are prone to low birth weight (however, she was 5lb 3oz and a healthy baby). Becoming a mother as a teen, worldwide status, pregnancy complications are the leading cause of death for women and girls fifteen to nineteen years old. Learning all these facts was a lot to think about while pregnant at age seventeen.

Owing to the grace of God, I have a testimony today. All the statistics of teen pregnancy never affected me because He allowed my boyfriend and his wonderful mother to be of support. However, I am not in any way promoting teen pregnancy. 

I understand the mercy and goodness of a kind God has kept me. My boyfriend married me, cared for me, and supported me. This made my pregnancy a lot better. His mother became my mother, and we also had a solid bond. My precious mother-in-law provided the much-needed counseling and psychosocial support for my family system. I cannot say enough how important it was to be able to have a church home that provided me with a great foundation. Contrary to statistics on teen pregnancy, having a baby didn’t ruin our lives because of the mercy of God. 

I was derailed in my education, but as soon as I could, I returned to school and got my G.E.D I am thankful that despite my teenage circumstances, God did not allow me to be a statistic. He forgave me and had mercy on me. Again, I do not promote teen pregnancy, but I thank God for being with me through my teenage ordeals and allowing me to flourish in this life, even as a teen mom, for His glory. He blessed me to have a very successful career. I earned my GED and graduated from Nursing School at Saint Louis Community College, Forest Park, with a high GPA in 1977. 

My husband, Martin Jr. died four years after our marriage—leaving me with three children, of which the youngest was my three-year-old son. Being a young parent made me a new person and opened me up in many unimaginable ways. It has grounded me into the woman that I am today. As I evolved, I learned to balance motherhood with the help of my dear husband and my precious mother-in-law. My mother-in-law provided much-needed counseling and psychosocial support for my family system and helped me get a church home, which was a great foundation. I maintained my roots in my Catholic foundation and received much help while raising my children; they all went to private schools. I was maturing and growing while being exposed to real realities about myself as I grew into motherhood. All around me, my friends were on a different path. I agree that this new life comes with many sacrifices.

Maturity has shifted me into a pretty ambitious, go-getter type of woman since becoming a mother of two sons and one daughter, grandmother, and great-grandmother. On my journey, I have helped to raise nine grandchildren, keeping them every summer and weekend to impart and help them grow to be outstanding adults. I deeply appreciate knowing that I am my children’s foundation in this tough and unpredictable world we all live in, which inspires me as a parent to be a better person every day—I wake up and remember my name, MOTHER. I remember the beauty of knowing how my children feel. I know they have to feel love and affection, and I am responsible as a mother to give them that at all times. From experience, I know how I became a teen mom. I did not want my children or grandchildren ever to feel like I did when I met Martin at seventeen.

   I stayed with God and my foundation, and having my children did not stop my dreams. My amazing mother-in-law would tell me to take care of myself and my children. She would say they are at your knees, but later in life, they will be in your heart; hence, train them while they are young. Being a young mother didn’t prevent me from being a successful Black woman with a career that has sustained me even in my seventies. I am living my best life with my amazing career. I’ve discovered so much about myself and my passions while raising my children. I have sustained a healthy family, allowing my children to get the best education I could give them, and held down two strong marriages to allow them to see and mirror from. Most of all, I have been able to make time for myself and accept my calling as a leader. Looking at that seventeen-year-old teenager, I could not see the great things ahead for me as a young teen mom. 

Time truly heals.

 I sincerely thank God for being with me and loving me even when I was a teen mom for the world.  Sometimes, family can treat you so coldly, but God’s love is perfect. He makes me smile when I think of, “yes, I was a teen mom, and God saved me!”

Gratefully.

FROM THE DESK OF THE AUTHOR “PASTOR JULIA BYAS”